If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
