Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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