"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
