So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
