you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
