So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
