just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
