i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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