you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
