This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize