they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
