I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
