Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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