I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
