Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
