I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
