He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
