She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize