Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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