And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
kristin has been a bad kristin
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
