So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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