just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
