It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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