I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
