and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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