a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
