a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
