Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
