Will you blow on my dice?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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