one might say we're banned from that church
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize