my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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