loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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