Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
