he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize