you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
