Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
