dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
