if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
