matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
