you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just gargled with NyQuil
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
