Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
