he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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