I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
