sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
