It's like God shit irony all over that family
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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