Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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