I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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