the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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