I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
