it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
