lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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