i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
