just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
