Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
