dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
