I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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