I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
