great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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