So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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