made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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