Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
