I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
