did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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