Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
