Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
