it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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