I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
