he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
