New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
