Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
